So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
