Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
