Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
