Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
