i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
