I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
