Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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