Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
