she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
