Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
