Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
