pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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