Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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