Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize