I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
People in love make me want to vomit
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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