need another drink. this is the easiest way
My hand turned me down
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
