Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
