We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I will be naked everywhere
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
how does that bad decision feel?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
