Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
