She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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