he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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