why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
