looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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