I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
