dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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