Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
