So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What a dumb baby whore.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
