Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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