Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
