I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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