At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
