Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
