If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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