we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Shame is for Republicans.
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