I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
