Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
