im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
