i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
