Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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