remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
