We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I need to stop coming to work sober
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
