I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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