apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
