Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
