Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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