was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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