Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
