I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
