shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
