Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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