I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
