brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
