i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
