she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
