i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
