i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
