The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
