I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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