k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
