i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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