I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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