Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
