you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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