Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
