you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
