So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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