good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Houston, we have a blender
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
