call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
