Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
