omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
