Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
