just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
His nipple licking is glorious
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