hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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